Generic Phrases

Phrase Jokes? OR...? Or anything random or something that only works at a certain time. For example: *people arguing* You say "Guys! Guys! This is no way to settle an argument. Why not settle this in an orderly manner? GUNS!" OMFG i made that one up and my friends were dying, literally... anyways. and other jokes like. my default three Chuck Norris Jokes: 1. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the Earth down. 2. Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall at tennis.(I like short and simple jokes like these, totally in love with them) 3. You know the movie "300"? They were thinking about putting Chuck Norris in the movie, but then they'd have to rename the movie to "1".(And I only love jokes that are long if they are really funny like this "1" hahaha) THANKS YOUS

Do you wanna hear a long joke?

♥♥ CAN YOU? Huh? Can you write a *crime drama* using the following phrases? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I'm a BIG Fan of Crime Dramas, Forensic Science, and also dry humour & comedic timing; Can you pen me a short little story worthy of something i sit an hour in front of the TV for? ♥ << LOL>> Ready? Pencil's Up...... Go!! 1. Apparently her boss Mr.___was pretending to be a woman. 2. Fried Raspberry Tarts and a 5th of Tequila. 3. _____ spatter on the ceiling, a piece of ____, and a hemorrhoid. 4. He/She's suing my friend?! I don't think so! I'll ___ him/her! 5. Ah yes, I'm her bodyguard; She's my best friend. Her uncle's a Transvestite, but that's irrelevant. 6. He told the D.A not to get his/her panties in a bunch. 7. We've decided to skip the Miranda Rights and just ___ the ___ out of you, okay? 8. **"Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, I wanna do you on the stove top?"** Bonus: Erm, that's NOT my gun._____ Funny joke. *This is NOT Homework!* Put on those thinking caps and party like a lyrical rockstar! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥ Sorry, I know the phrases are a little nuts. I like abstract things that take a ton of creativity to work into the story LOL. BTW # 8 is a quote from an episode of show. I thought it was hilarious, LOL, i'll admit it. ♥ Lmao! Peggy_Leg: this was funny! Good Job :)

Can anyone tell me some jokes? I am going to spend some time in Texas for about 2-3 weeks. I need to know some jokes that will get people to reminisce who I am and opinion that I am a true person of a funny character and not some shady hypocrite. I really desire the knowledge of the public. If you have any jokes you opinion are funny feel free to let me know. This includes riddles, tounge twisters, etc. Please try to keep it as fresh as possible and not old non-sense. I need to know some jokes but if you have any hip phrases or suggestions that you would like to give me I will be listening to you no matter what. If you have an intention of trying to help me out and not try to mess with me, feel more than welcomed to message. On the otherhand, do not even bother me with your non-sense. I do not have time to hear non-sense. I really want people there to like me and to remember me for a longtime to come the short time I will be in Texas visiting my brother. Thank you for reading this message. Happy holidays. Later on.

phrases for me? i need a phrase for a tshirt and want people to catch attention to it and do something about it. it has to say something about me.so what phrase would you have on it if i was FUNNY, DRAMA QUEEN, DYSLEXIC (u can joke about it if you like, thats what its about. making it lighter and not serious), SHORT (im 4" 10, i knw! dont laff, lol, hehehe :D), INTELLIGENT, CRAZY, WEIRD (as i have been told), SWEET, KIND, CARING, LOVING, OCD (obsessive Compulsive Disorder, make it humourous and see the good side or funny side of it, pls). love FASHION, GRAPHICS, MOVIES, IM A VIRGIN!!! (i want to do this one but i need a phrase to finish it off so, i'm a virgin blah blah blah. any ideas? If it was about u, what would u write on your tshirt about YOU? are u funny, if so, what phrase would you have on your tshirt? oh, and dont forget to finish my phrase off on 'Im a virgin' PS im muslim so people would go OMG! more and thats the responce i want. lol :D

Breastfeeding Moms help!? I need a quote... a quick one liner, a joke, or phrase for a breastfeeding support group newsletter. This month's read "What kind of bees make milk?... BOO-Bees!!" Another read: "Mom's Diner, open 24/7, always warm and ready to serve!" It's mostly local resource information and member stories... this is sort of a little funny part - a joke of some sort, but SHORT! Any ideas? do your own thinking: while that gave me a great laugh, and would many of our members... we do leave these newsletters at doctors' ofices, health food stores, the local WIC office, Babies R Us, children's resale shops, all 5 city library branches ... AND many are posted on church bulletin boards... we need something totally rated G!!!

JOKE!!!!(star if you think its funny,please)? OK, here it is: Letter to a shrink Dear Shrink, It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn't sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions. I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day. I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help. Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves? I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day! I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that horrid little phrase, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." Why couldn't they just give the innocent, little, white rabbit some cereal? Why? Does the fact that he is a rabbit automatically deprive him of the democratic and patriotic notion, the freedom, of eating cereal? I can vaguely recollect the times when he was this close to getting some of that, that CEREAL. There was the time when he dressed as a human and went to that secret meeting but was given away by the exposure of his fluffy white tail (I am still wondering how they accepted the ears). Then there was the time he went to space and ancient times and even the jungle, but to no avail. You cannot even imagine the rabbits pain. There are times when you don't get what you want but you survive; now think of the rabbit. Over 50 YEARS of chasing his only hearts desire, the reason he lives, and NEVER getting it. Can you even begin to understand his pain, his utter grief? He is such a funny little rabbit, not silly, as those demonic little children accuse him of being. Despite all his efforts he never got any cereal; not even when the flavor berry-blue was added to the ever-so-popular flavors of orange. Cherry. Grape. Lemon. Lime. WHY? Those heartless little children had so much cereal and they wouldn't share. Even one little spoonful would have satisfied my little white friend�s craving for those delicious six flavors. But no! "Trix aren't for rabbits. Trix are for kids. Oh! The unbearable agonizing pain it has cost me. That one simple phrase "silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." For the fourteen antagonizing years of my short but cruel life I have watched helplessly as those evil little children refused to share. I've seen the pain in his eyes grow from when he was a black and white toon to the five-color symbol of melancholy, infinite sadness he is now. No More! In a matter of moments I will be taken up into the ship following the glorious Hale-Bopp and with the help of some friends I. WILL. FEED. THE. RABBIT! Feed him to his hearts desire so he can finally enjoy the pleasure of the orange, cherry, grape, lemon, lime, and new wildberry blue. I can't wait to see the look on their moronic little faces as I feed the rabbit! He will be happy as I, when I give Trix to the rabbit and kill the kids! Who's with me? Sianara, You Know Who You people DO know I didn't write this..?? NOOOOOO!!!!SOMEONE SAID THE ACURSED SAYING!!!!!!

i'm a virgin blah blah blah? i need a phrase for a tshirt and want people to catch attention to it and do something about it. it has to say something about me.so what phrase would you have on it if i was FUNNY, DRAMA QUEEN, DYSLEXIC (u can joke about it if you like, thats what its about. making it lighter and not serious), SHORT (im 4" 10, i knw! dont laff, lol, hehehe :D), INTELLIGENT, CRAZY, WEIRD (as i have been told), SWEET, KIND, CARING, LOVING, OCD (obsessive Compulsive Disorder, make it humourous and see the good side or funny side of it, pls). love FASHION, GRAPHICS, MOVIES, IM A VIRGIN!!! (i want to do this one but i need a phrase to finish it off so, i'm a virgin blah blah blah. any ideas? If it was about u, what would u write on your tshirt about YOU? are u funny, if so, what phrase would you have on your tshirt? oh, and dont forget to finish my phrase off on 'Im a virgin' PS im muslim so people would go OMG! more and thats the responce i want. lol :D if you think i should have a phrase on the above personality traits then what phrase? thats what i am asking. its a project for a t-shirt design and we have to actually make it and it has to reflect my personality, doesnt mean i have to wear it. i should be doing but its for fun an a graphic design project. dont take it too serious pls ppl.

What would you think? My ex uses abusive mean phrases and then says he never says anything wrong because he doesn't use the actual word or it was just a joke. What do you think of these so called jokes or words never used. Instead of fat......your so large your going to pop. instead of short.... let me sink down to your size. look ha ha that person is flowing over their seat... never used to word fat. you'll never make it on your own...never used the word stupid. what's her name flat A**. Oh just joking what is her name really. If he doesn't listen wack....just kidding. these are some of the cleaner ones How funny are these to you. I don't hang out with him. For our child's sake I have to tolerate him. if it wasn't for that he would be out of my life all together.

How many guys who buy Playboy read the articles? A lot of guys who buy Playboy like to say that they read the articles. Playboy even sells shirts with this phrase. "I Read the Articles." It's sort of a joke, but Playboy tries to write articles that sound good in and of themselves, making it at least 'possible' that some people really would only buy the magazine for it's articles. Well, a while back, Playboy offered a brail edition of their magazine for blind people, but after a few years, they discontinued it. So, in doing to, they short-changed the only people who REALLY DID just want to read the articles. LOL! This story is funny, but true.

real or fake?????????

know anyone from...? minnesota??? are these true??? i got this email from my cousin from there and i was just wondering. -you live in Texas but vacation in Minnesota in January. -you have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions. -you are always interested in how the gooofers football team is doing. -your state pays a bounty for killing the state mascot. -you consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal. -you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by. -you keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months. -you are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation. -you have ever refused to buy something because it's too "spendy." -you believe that the Vikings would have won four super bowls by now if they were still playing in Metropolitan Stadium. -you have a town with men foolish enough to play a tackle football snow bowl on the Sunday after Christmas for 37 years in a row. -you believe that rushing out on the lakes with your pick-up in November is nature's way of upgrading the state's gene pool. -you think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys. -all your kids at school are above average. -all your women are strong. -you like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets above 72. -you're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU. -your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February. -you instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year. -someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. -your Dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead. -you have ever apologized to a telemarketer. -you believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat. -you have a nickname for your chain saw and you pat it on the fuel tank at the end of a hard day's sawing. -you are STILL convinced the Twins will never win the pennant because the owners are too cheap to pay the good players, so they all leave. -you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk. -someone mentions Old Hubie or the Humph, and you know exactly who they mean. -you like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics. -you beam with pride when some King or Hollywood super star comes to the Mayo Clinic to save their lives. -you consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course. -you have no "spring" sports season. -you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time. -you were proud when you turned 12 and got a pair of "5 bucklers" for your birthday. -you have ever thought Michelangelo's statue of David was "indecent." -you have either a pet or a child named "Kirby." -you were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday. -your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right away. -your town has an equal number of bars and churches. -you go to a high school basketball game, the score is 12-8 at halftime, and you don't think there's anything strange about that. -you have ever had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. -you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee. -you grew up thinking rice was only for dessert. -there are four superstar college basketball players turning pro, and your state's team draws the fifth pick. -you think that ketchup is a little too spicy. -you support the preservation of forests, farmland and wetlands because that's where you hunt deer, pheasants and geese. -your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper. -every January, from age 2 to 13, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post. -you believe human beings must all go through a frozen dormant period for four months every year. -you consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when it is filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with dreamwhip. -you never heard the word mayonnaise until you went to college. -your local bars still have "The Friday Night Fights" even though boxing is no longer on television. -it makes perfect sense for you to be in-state AND out-state at the same time. -the physician giving a lecture on gastro-intestinal disorders talks about your "tummy." -you firmly believe Bronko Nagurski was the greatest football player that ever lived. -you voted for Mondale. -you know that Kareem, Wilt, Shaq and Alonzo could never have stood up to George Mikan in the paint. -you never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue. -your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival." -you always believed that vacation meant "going up north." -the first time you entered the Metrodome you looked up and said, "sure could stack a lot of hay bales in here!" -you KNOW there is no such place as Lake Wobegone, but you have drunk St. Wendell's beer. -your gas station thinks FULL SERVICE means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers. -your bank has the name of your town included in its name. -your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable or ethnic food. -you know where the "iron range" is. -you praise the parents of the state's top basketball player for pulling him off of the team until his grades improve. -an old lady has ever helped you cross the street. -the temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer. -you think it's best to eat Jell-O after it's molded. -your state's most successful college football coach never cuts anyone, lets his quarterback call all the plays, and has no-contact practices. -you laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast. -you understand, and can explain, illegal defense, the infield fly rule, and icing. -the first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men" you thought it was a documentary. -you think that "UFF DA" is a standard English phrase. -your favorite sport when it's cold outside is played where it's cold inside. -your neighborhood has a 20-hour parking zone. -you can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes. -you know people named Ole and Lena. -your state's pro football team beats San Francisco, but loses to Tampa Bay. -you thank God every morning for not making you an Iowan. -you believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed go together in a sport and on the Interstate. -you hear that the stock market is up and you think the price of hogs has gained 50 cents per hundred weight. -you think of SPAM as a quality, all-purpose meat product whether served with eggs for breakfast, in a sandwich at noontime, or in a hot-dish for supper. -everytime you see moonlight on a lake you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters . . . Hamm's, the beer refreshing. Hamm's, the beer refreshing." -you remember the thrill of going to the top of the Foshay Tower. -you don't understand why everyone thinks Garrison Keillor is so funny. -your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse". -it gets worse.

any more welcome? 100 reasons it's great to be male. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day holiday requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Night Football. 6. You don't have to monitor your friends’ sex lives. 7. Your toilet lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight. 10. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind. 11. When clicking through the TV, you don't have to stop at every shot of someone crying. 12. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview. 13. All your orgasms are real. 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. 15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. 16. You don't have to lug a bag of stuff around everywhere you go. 17. You understand why 'Stripes' is funny. 18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group. 19. Your last name stays put. 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. 21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 22. You can kill your own food. 23. The garage is all yours. 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 25. You see the humour in Terms of Endearment. 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 27. You never have to clean the toilet. 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 32. Your underwear is £5.00 for a three pack. 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. 35. You don't have to shave below your neck. 36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy arse every night. 37. If you’re 34 and single nobody notices. 38. You can write your name in the snow. 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. 40. Everything on your face stays its original colour. 41. Chocolate is just another snack. 42. You can be president. 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. 44. Flowers fix everything. 45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 48. Three pair of shoes is more than enough. 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. 51. Foreplay is optional. 52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room. 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by. 56. You never feel compelled to stop a mate from getting laid. 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. 59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking. "He must be mad at me". 60. The world is your urinal. 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff. 63. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area. 64. One mood, all the time. 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 66. You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too scary. 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing. 69. Same work....more pay. 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. 71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 72. Wedding Dress £1000; Tux rental £50. 73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back. 74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 75. You don't mooch off others' desserts. 76. If you retain water, it's in a bottle. 77. The remote is yours and yours alone. 78. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them. 79. Sky Sports News. 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. 81. Stag parties kick ass over bridal showers. 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 85. If you don't call your mate when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed. 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 87. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Fuck it!" 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong mates. 89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 90. The occasional well-rendered burp is practically expected. 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood. 92. You think the idea of kicking a small dog is funny. 93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. 94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. 98. Your mates can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ...notice anything different?" 99. Baywatch 100. There is always a footy game on somewhere. bookworm - no! i had it emailed to me -from a female friend - obviously she, unlike you, possesses a sense of humour! i have asked her if it is offensive to women and she disagrees - ( i cant actually type on here what she said about you) so , sorry, if a female friend does not consider it to be offensive to women then neither do i. try geting a life.