Generic Phrases - ♥♥ CAN YOU? Huh? Can you write a *crime drama* using the following phrases?

♥♥ CAN YOU? Huh? Can you write a crime drama using the following phrases?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I'm a BIG Fan of Crime Dramas, Forensic Science, and also dry humour & comedic timing; Can you pen me a short little story worthy of something i sit an hour in front of the TV for? ♥ << LOL>> Ready? Pencil's Up...... Go!! 1. Apparently her boss Mr.___was pretending to be a woman. 2. Fried Raspberry Tarts and a 5th of Tequila. 3. _____ spatter on the ceiling, a piece of ____, and a hemorrhoid. 4. He/She's suing my friend?! I don't think so! I'll ___ him/her! 5. Ah yes, I'm her bodyguard; She's my best friend. Her uncle's a Transvestite, but that's irrelevant. 6. He told the D.A not to get his/her panties in a bunch. 7. We've decided to skip the Miranda Rights and just ___ the ___ out of you, okay? 8. **"Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, I wanna do you on the stove top?"** Bonus: Erm, that's NOT my gun._____ Funny joke. *This is NOT Homework!* Put on those thinking caps and party like a lyrical rockstar! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥ Sorry, I know the phrases are a little nuts. I like abstract things that take a ton of creativity to work into the story LOL. BTW # 8 is a quote from an episode of show. I thought it was hilarious, LOL, i'll admit it. ♥ Lmao! Peggy_Leg: this was funny! Good Job :)

Public Comments

Sheriff :Apparently her boss Mr. Jackson was pretending to be a woman. Bodyguard: Ah yes, I'm her bodyguard; She's my best friend. Her uncle's a Transvestite, but that's irrelevant. Sheriff :Does her uncle happen to be Dr. Frank 'n' Furter by any chance? Bodyguard: Why yes! her uncle just happens to be that Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Translyvania! Sheriff:Then why would she be worried about Mr.Jackson then? Bodyguard: He has Lupus, remember? Sheriff :Oh yes, but..... ( Interruption as the Lt. enters ) Lt: "Fried Raspberry Tarts and a 5th of Tequila!" Sheriff & Bodyguard in unison: Thanks Jimmy! Lt: It's alright Boys! ( Lt. Exits ) Sheriff: So anyway... He told the D.A not to get his/her panties in a bunch. Bodyguard: Who? Sheriff: Judge Reinhold. Bodyguard: Oh yes, that's right. Sheriff: Because Miss Furter was all, "He/She's suing my friend?! I don't think so! I'll pulverize him/her! Bodyguard: Who was Mr. Jackson suing? Sheriff: Miss Furter's friend Janine LeRoq for shooting Mr. Jackson's friend Bobby The Gimp. Bodyguard: Why did she shoot him for? Sheriff: Scaring her monkey. At the crime scene their was blood spatter on the ceiling, a piece of brain, and a hemorrhoid. Bodyguard: I never knew hemorrhoids flew that far. Sheriff: Me ethier, I heard this from down in Forensics. Anyway, Judge Reinhold told Janine LeRoq that, "We've decided to skip the Miranda Rights and just send you to the slammer for life without parole and don't be surprised that the public is baying for blood and want to see the stuffing knocked out of you, okay?" Bodyguard: Old Reinhold has such a way with words doesn't he? Sheriff: Yes, yes he does son. ( Bodyguard thinking outloud ) **"Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, I wanna do you on the stove stop?"** Sheriff: No that wasn't Shakespeare sorry. Bodyguard: Who said it then? Sheriff: I dunno son but Erm, that's NOT my gun. That's my rutabaga, HAHA! Funny joke. The End. Edit: Lol yeah my head is filled with funny thoughts and I grew up on alot of British comedy programmes so yeah that's what inspired me.
Apparently her boss Mr. Rothschild was pretending to be a woman. At the police station, agent Blackhoe and Donkeynut were called to the Black Dinner Store on South fifth and Dillion Street. to an old house there. by the store. In the bedroom of the house they weren't ready for what they found. Fried Raspberry Tarts and a 5th of Tequila. Blood and chipped teeth splatter on the ceiling, a piece of a childs heart, and a hemorrhoid. They did not find any bodies anywhere. When they went out side they hear a woman and a man standing by the side of the store. They were talking. The woman began to tell the man a story. Agent Donkeynut could make out what they were saying. He then gets into the car and retells agent Blackhoe, what he heard. The woman said to the man, He's suing my friend. I don't think so I'll kill him first. The guy with a sternt look on his face turns, and glances at the cops in the car, he then turns back to the woman and says. Ah yes, I'm her Bodyguard, she's my best friend. Her uncle is a transvestite, but that's irrelevent. I know said the woman. Her uncle told me to meet him here at that house. that is what i found when i entered the house, and it was me who called the cops. The guy leans in and grabs her arm softly, and says. We need to go Kaylee. We must go to Amiee's house, and see if she has heard from her uncle? Meanwhile at the courthouse they are going through proceedings on a hit and run case involveing a teenaged boy and girl. the girl ran from police and in process hit and killed two 11 year olds. The D.A. is a real jerk, and is about to snap in court. the girl they are trying to throw the book at, just so happens to have a sealed tight alibi. She was at a football game with her boyfriend and his parents. The D.A. snaps and Tells this girl she is a lieing skank! The judge slams his gavel and said to the D.A. I want to see u in my office right now! There he tells the D.A. Not to get her panties in a bunch. He suspects the girl is about to tell them who it was that was in the wreck, and ran from the cops, and in fact got away from the bumbling nitwits they call the police. Right before they go back into the courtroom, the Judge, gets seduced by the D.A. As he sits back in his chair, and she gets on his lap. She says. Is that your gun? Erm, that's not my gun, god u must be truly blonde, I'm a judge I don't carry a gun. D.A. then asks is that your gavle? Hell no woman that's my man hood, now take it for a ride! as she tkes it in and rides him in sin. She says, Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, I wanna do you on the stove top? Hell no, are you under the influence? She giggles and says under the influence of your boyhood. Then gets off of him, straightens her skirt and blouse, then asks, are you ready judge Woodland? At the other end of town the cops see what looks like a woman running covered in blood. They stop the what appeared to be a woman, but in fact was a man dressed as a woman. One they found out to be Mr. Rothschild. He kept mumbling something. He kept mumbling that he must stop them. They must be stoped! He must stop them They must be stoped. The last thing he said be fore he faints, is . The the little ones they are hidden, in the High school, the very same school that has rumors of being haunted. Then he passes out. He is Taken to the hospital. ### Tune in Next Thursday for another episode of CSI CRIMESTREET######## HOW'S THAT FOR YOUR STORIE
My partner looked down dispassionately at the dead body, a 12 inch machete protruding from the center of her skull, as we waited for the Forensics team to arrive. O'Toole had not flunked out twice in sensitivity training for nothing! He addressed the corpse: "Happy Halloween buddy…....a little early though, huh?" he joked. I pretended to ignore him! The crime had been reported by Evelyn Townsend, the victim’s bodyguard, who had arrived,..... a little late....., to find ‘her', face up on the bed, eyes open, stone cold dead! Apparently her boss, Mr. George Dongo, was pretending to be a woman, and was in full drag at the time of 'his' death. It was known that allot of Transvestites lived in this particular building. Another one turning up dead was no big surprise. A tray of half eaten Fried Raspberry Tarts and part of a fifth of tequila were sitting on the counter top. O'Toole had taken the statement from Evelyn taking in her 6 foot 3 inch height and exceptionally large adam's apple.. "Ah yes, I'm her bodyguard; She's my best friend. Her uncle's a Transvestite, but that's irrelevant. Myself?? …I’m ALL woman…Post-op if you know what I mean” I didn’t think O’Toole did. He asked her if she had any idea who could have committed the murder. "Well...she's sueing my friend Oscar for a botched nose job. Could be him but I don't think so. If it is him, I'll kill him!" O'Toole kept on writing! Finally the Forensics’ team arrived with the DA in tow. They immediately began collecting the evidence. There was a blood spatter on the ceiling, a piece of gray matter and a hemorrhoid. O’Toole was hovering around the team as they did their work. “Is gray matter really gray! I always wondered” They ignored him. I wondered why he hadn’t asked about the hemorrhoid! The Forensics team then discovered a large amount of an unknown milky substance smeared across the stovetop and immediately bagged several samples. O’Toole was right behind them, snickering. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, I wanna do you on the stove top?" The team ignored him but the DA had also heard his remark. He had known O’Toole a long time and was not surprised by his lack of propriety. "O’Toole.. We've decided to skip the Miranda Rights and just beat the crap out of you, okay?” O’Toole was laughing when he told the DA not to get his panties in a bunch. Although the DA laughed back, when O’Toole walked back into the kitchen I heard him say something about “foot patrol for the next six months” into his cell phone. I snickered! When we finally got done, O’Toole and I were both tired. I slid in next to him in the patrol car. He was grinning like an idiot; He had stuffed one of Dongo’s sex toys under his pants. “Erm, that’s NOT my gun baby…I just took an overdose of Viagra! Funny joke, huh? Heh-heh-heh!!” I rolled my eyes…soon O’Toole wound be pounding the beat…..with that in mind, I would try to be kind!
Good grief! It took forever to get the phrases in, but here you go. Hope you like it. Apparently, her boss (and uncle) Mr. Funkhauser was pretending to be a woman. When Rita had gotten to work that Monday morning, the office was quiet - too quiet. In fact, there wasn't a soul around. The receptionist's chair was empty and the lights were off. She quickly turned them on, eyeing the room. Nothing looked amiss. Then, she walked into Funkhauser's office. The place was a bloodbath. Blood on the floor and walls. A large blood spatter on the ceiling, a piece of ...earlobe, maybe?, and a hemorroid. Well, on those last two, she couldn't be sure. But, it did remind her of those body parts. She had never seen so much blood in one place in her whole life. Could all of this belong to one person? She stepped gingerly across the carpet. Living or dead, there was nobody in here, either. Strangely, there was a fried raspberry tart and a 5th of tequila on the couch. What the hell had happened? Just then, the phone rang. A muffled voice murmured in her ear. "Where is the medallion?....heavy breathing. "What...who is this?" "I know it's you, Rita," the voice replied. "You'd better get it. Bring it to the 5th Street Bridge....midnight....be there....OR YOU'RE DEAD!" A click and then a dial tone. Rita began to shake uncontrollably. "My God," she said, "why are they calling me?" By all rights, that medallion was hers. She had won it fair and square in a national modeling competition. It was about 2 inches in diameter, 24-carat solid gold and encrusted with diamonds. Rita was a looker. She worked for the Funkhauser Agency since she was 17 and had been their top model. She loved the job and everyone at the agency loved her. Then about a month ago, things had gone sour. Felicity, the new hire, was a statuesque brunette with an attitute. She was beautiful Rita had to admit, but she was a b*tch on wheels! She was always at someone, or if not she was telling lies and spreading dirty little rumors. Then last week, she had up and disappeared. No one knew what had become of her. Bobby was Rita's friend and erstwhile bodyguard. He had been there the day Felicity had served papers on Rita. She had been jealous of Rita and more jealous of the medallion. Bobby had been livid when he found out she was suing Rita for damages caused by "mental cruelty" in the workplace. He had gotten his lawyer on the phone. ".....she's suing my friend? I don't think so!" I'll kill her!" Vehemently, he slammed the phone down. "That b*tch has been sleeping with the DA, I just know it!" he said, seething. "Now he's helping her with this bogus suit. The DA has been trying to get an earlier court date. My lawyer's gonna try to unruffle his feathers, though," he said. "He told the DA not to get his panties in a bunch." An hour after she arrived at the office, cops were swarming all over the crime scene. Outside of Funkhauser's office they had found evidence of a struggle and Funkhauser's bloody, $1,000.00 suit jacket. Then they found his empty wallet. Blood on the walls matched the boss's blood type. Things didn't look good. She decided not to tell anyone about the phone call. Whoever had done this knew her too well. She would give them the medallion. It wasn't worth her life. At 11:45 she walked up the escarpment towards the bridge. There was a small, neglected guard shack at the top. As she neared the door, she heard a click that sounded like a safety catch being released on a revolver. "Over here." It was too dark to see inside. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her arm and she was inside. She was slammed against a counter with an old electric burner on it. A form, decidedly male, pressed her towards the wall. "Wasn't it Shakespear who said, "I wanna do you on the stove top?" he said hoarsely. She knew that voice. "Funkhauser? Whaaa?" A flashlight clicked and she got the shock of her life. Felicity! Oh, God! Funkhauser WAS Felicity! "Give over the medallion, 'ho," he/she said. "Why are you doing this?" she cried. "The business was bankrupt," said Felicity. "We were going under. I spread rumors that I was Funkhauser's lover, then I took out a large insurance policy with Felicity as the beneficiary. Of course, they'll never find the body. I have a contact who works in a blood bank. The rest was easy." Behind Felicity, another gun clicked. "Okay, turn around slowly and put your hands up," said Bobby. The brunette did as instructed. "Bobby!" said Rita, "how did you know?" "I followed you" he said simply. Immediately, the police were at the door and had "Felicity" in handcuffs. She fought them. One cop kicked Funkhauser viciously in the knee and he went down. "We've decided to skip the Miranda Rights and just whoop the crap out of you, okay?" he said sarcastically. Rita was so relieved, she threw her arms around Bobby and kissed him passionately. One of the cops eyed them suspiciously. Bobby smiled. "Ah, yes, I'm her bodyguard; she's my best friend. Her uncle's a transvestite, but that's irrelevant. They both laughed. Rita looked at him slyly. "My, what a big gun you have, sherrif!" Bobby nuzzled her ear. "Erm, that's NOT my gun....ha, ha, funny joke," he said. "I know it's not," she replied. "Not what....a gun, or a joke?" Yeah," she answered. Then she kissed him again.